A moment of negativity from a mostly positive mom

Watching my son fight for his life everyday is grueling and painful. Not being able to hold him, to bath him, to feed him is heart breaking. I pump and it gets stored in a freezer, hopefully to be used later. There is no bonding in my breast feeding experience, no tender moments, no loving embraces. It is simply mechanical. I imagine that telling a mother who cannot, but wants to breast feed her child, how wonderful it is is like telling a paralyzed man how great it is to walk. Okay, maybe not that severe, but you hopefully get my point. In less than 2 weeks, my husband will return to Afghanistan and I will begin this journey on my own. I know that I have support and love and prayers everywhere and for that I am grateful. However, nothing can replace my husband's hugs or his total understanding of my needs! He is my very best friend and I will greatly miss him. I will then have to sit idly by as the two people I love most in this world fight their own specific battles so that they may come home to me.