How many thoughtless words do we utter in a day? --Gwen Staud
Do we ever really see the impact of these words? Are their consequences ever truly known?
How often have I said, "I can't wait to meet you" to a pregnant woman's belly? I must have said it 10 times a day to my own belly. But I'm now cautious in my word choice. And when my friend, Emily, grew bigger and settled into her pregnancy, they were words I never spoke. They are words I will never say again.
Recently, my thoughts keep returning to a moment in my education, prior to Jaden's birth. For an acute care project, my partner and I were assigned a NICU patient. As we toured the facility, my baby kept kicking me. It was the most he had ever moved before and it remained constant throughout the entire tour. He moved as I looked upon the babies, fearful for some of their lives. He tossed about as I worried for their mothers and wondered why so many babies had no parents present at all. But what pains me the most is a stupid comment I'd made. I don't remember my exact words; I only know that it was a joke that my baby was fighting to get out so he could play with these babies. I believe I called them his "friends".
"He just wants to play with his friends" perhaps was my line. I don't really recall.
Two weeks later, Jaden joined our family, this world, and his "friends" in the NICU.
These words were not the cause of my son's early arrival. However, they are words that will be with me the rest of my life. They are pointless syllables combined to form a joke; and yet the bear the weight of the guilt that remains in my heart.
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